try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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