I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
