I didn't shave. On purpose
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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