My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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