There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
