I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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