So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
