he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i dont even know how to be here
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
