can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is Oprah even human
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
