addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize