Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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