is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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