Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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