His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
