Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
