i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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