My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i believe in u and ur pee
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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