White coat. Heels.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
