whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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