Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
