singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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