Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
