It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
