omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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