That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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