If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
