if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
