haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
