There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
