well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
