I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize