She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
