i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
