Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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