And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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