Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
