Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
