chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
please come you make the beer taste better
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
