We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Randomize
