Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you had me at cake vodka
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
