He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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