you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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