K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Your dad touched me again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
