I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
