No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
