so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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