she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think my vagina is haunted
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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