Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
