sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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