You're so nebulous sometimes
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
