he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
