hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i will never coherently bang her
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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