there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
