My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
