John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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