Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
