This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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