Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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