I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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