why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
foreskin is a definite game changer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
