If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
