So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
