You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
