I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
