Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
